Reckless Grace: A Mother’s Crash Course in Mental Illness, by Carolyn DiPasquale, is a gift. It is a gift in so many ways…

From mother to daughter: 

These are the heart-wrenching words of a mother lost in grief. The way Carolyn DiPasquale describes her daughter Rachel–her clothes, her hair, her skin, her blue eyes, her personality, and details of their conversations–I began to feel as if I knew Rachel. I could feel this mother’s pain the day she collected Rachel’s belongings from one of many boyfriends who had used her, betrayed and abandoned her at times when she needed them most. She writes, “I picked up her Aldo flip-flops with the abalone disks. I was with her at the Warwick Mall when she bought them. Inside, I saw the imprint of her toes.” An image I’m sure will never fade.

I can relate with this author, who as a single mom, struggled with the daily challenges of busy work schedules and working hard to pay the bills, while attempting to provide a safe environment and the greatest opportunities for our children. It’s not easy, and we worry that what we do is not enough. As a mother of two grown children, I’ve asked myself, “Did I do enough for my kids?” “Is there anything I missed?” And when we realize we could have done more, we live with some regret, even when in many ways we’ve succeeded.

Because Rachel was intelligent, witty, and caring, her mother had confidence in her. In the beginning, she attributed her daughter’s behaviors to typical adolescent growing pains—impulsivity, mood swings, issues with body image. She trusted Rachel’s strength and perseverance to overcome struggles with eating disorders, addiction, and diabetes, not always knowing the extent of her suffering. 

It seems multiple medical teams, rehab programs (inpatient and outpatient) failed Rachel. Yet her mother never gave up on her. It didn’t matter the cost, time, or sacrifices she had to make. She would do anything to save her daughter. 

But the greatest gift of all was to put this book out into the world. To publish her daughter’s words and to tell her story so it might help others. Rachel writes, “I want to share the beauty of what I’ve learned, help people face their secrets. I want to leave an imprint on somebody.” I have no doubt this book will accomplish that.

From Rachel to the world:

Rachel knew herself well. She worked tirelessly to help herself live with multiple disorders when she felt nobody else understood. As many will, she says she neglected the voice of her inner child, her true self. Through her journals, she reveals that “Reckless Grace” is her false self. “Vivid. Reckless. Grace.” She writes, “Vivid is my gifts. Reckless is me screwing up. Grace is God giving me another chance.” “This is why I had it tattooed on me. Not in plain view where I am constantly reminded of it. No. On my back because I want it behind me.” What an inspiration!

Rachel’s love for God never seemed to wane. She trusted Him. Prayed for his mercy and grace. It was one relationship that never wavered—solid, steady and reliable. She writes journal entries, addressing God. One that brought tears to my eyes laid out her high aspirations for life, her dreams for the future, and her gratitude. 

Rachel’s prose and poetry are gorgeous and from the heart. The way she expresses her pain as well as her triumphs. These are two of the many lines from her journal I wanted to read over and over:

“The moon was huge and so low you could pull it off the sky and use it as a plate.”

“I like the ignorance of being in love. It covers reality like a pristine blanket of snow.”

From the author to anyone dealing with mental health issues, addictions, and chronic illness: 

The author reveals an untold, yet prevalent, condition: diabulimia. She brings to light something most clinicians don’t discuss, and how dangerous it is for adolescent girls with Type I diabetes. 

She courageously shows readers what it is like to live with eating disorders, addictions, and other afflictions. And her own story of living through the grief alongside her beloved daughter.  

The story is told with beautiful imagery through details that drop the reader into the scene. You are there with her from the day Rachel is born until the day of her death. She had named her daughter Rachel Grace after God’s grace because she didn’t feel she deserved this child. She introduces “grace” as “getting something outrageously wonderful when you least expect it.”

Purchase a copy of Reckless Grace on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Bookshop.org. You can also add this to your GoodReads reading list.

Visit the author’s website to follow her updates. You can also follow her on Instagram or Facebook.